I hate myself...

That day before i act, i really thought i am ready to accept the consequences. But when i know the answer already, then only i realize i am not ready for it. And from that moment, i know she already stand a very important place in deep of my heart just that i don't realize it. I blame myself for taking such stupid action. Why can't i wait for a longer time first? Why can't i be patient a bit? If i do so, maybe the result will be different. Seriously, I'm lost...... I really don't know how to face it. She seem nothing but for me, it take time to recover. A week? A month? A year? Or until the end of my day? I really don't know.