It's already 9 days, even though we start to have conversation, but the feeling just not right.

STOP...

I think i better stop doing such silly things or else i may lose a friends that i don't wish to lose. It's really difficult to control such feeling. Those stupid action will just come out even though i told myself to stop. I really don't know how long she can stand. Really scare one day she may just off the phone, stop talking with me and so on. Some of my friends think that I'm such a stupid. But don't you think that when u in love with someone, you really can't control your stupidity. This week is driving me crazy. Beside worry about these matter, there are many things i need to settle. Sponsorship, performance, assignment, test,final exam, job, symposium and etc. Haiks, usually i'm a person who like to aim high shoot low, but seem like this time, i really have to aim low and shoot lower. I really wish that person can support me all the way. She is my inspiration, my target, my dream and my strenght.

I hate myself...

That day before i act, i really thought i am ready to accept the consequences. But when i know the answer already, then only i realize i am not ready for it. And from that moment, i know she already stand a very important place in deep of my heart just that i don't realize it. I blame myself for taking such stupid action. Why can't i wait for a longer time first? Why can't i be patient a bit? If i do so, maybe the result will be different. Seriously, I'm lost...... I really don't know how to face it. She seem nothing but for me, it take time to recover. A week? A month? A year? Or until the end of my day? I really don't know.

What happened to my life?

At the beginning, i thought parents, friendship, love one, career and car are the most important things in my life and i struggle hard to remain it. But when times goes by, i found that i have failed to remain the friendship and love one in my life. Starting from this moments, there's no longer so call "true friendship" and love in my life. For all i need is love from parents, preparing myself in my future career and struggle hard to get my dream car. I no longer need love in my life cause i realize that i should be a lonely driver for the rest of my life. I'm sick of falling in love, sick of seeing all those peoples which wearing mask all the time, sick of myself. I'm sick of everything.....GOD DAMN IT. But i have to thanks the person who telling me the truth. Thank you very much. You made me realize there's something more important that need me to do.

Are we coursemate?

Sometimes, i really don't know why we can't live harmony as a coursemate? Why there are so many arguement in between? Why can't they think in a mature way? Why we can't do things in a fair way and ask other opinion first before we do something? Isn't it unfair to other if one person dominating the whole group? We all human being. Sometime we may do something wrong, but as long as the person begging for forgiveness, why can't we just give he or she a chance? Why we need to do things according to the person but not the problems that we facing? Instead of sitting down and shooting each other, why can't we just find a better solution? We already more than 21 years old, please don't act like a child......BE MATURE......I'm very glad that many of them have the strong determination to carry out the task and I'm very jealous about your determination. But the problems is, is that EFFECTIVE ENOUGH? Think twice......it may change your perception......If what i said here hurting some of you... I'm sorry...... I don't mean it. I just want to tell the facts and my stand is neutral.